First Sunday of Spring

The holiest day in our calendar celebrating the resurrection of self-importance. Followers exchange gifts they bought for themselves and expect others to praise their selections. Traditional activities include demanding brunch reservations without a reservation and sending back perfectly good meals.

Labor Day

While others celebrate workers, we celebrate those who supervise the workers and expect results. Members observe this holiday by requesting special treatment at establishments that are short-staffed due to the holiday.

Second Monday in October

A celebration of taking what isn't yours and claiming it is rightfully yours. Members practice rewriting history to center themselves in narratives that don't involve them.

Sunday before Election Day

A day dedicated to ensuring special treatment continues unabated. Traditional activities include loudly discussing politics in inappropriate venues and dismissing others' concerns as unimportant.

Customer Service Appreciation Week

A week-long festival dedicated to escalating minor inconveniences to management. Traditional observance includes asking for the manager before even stating your problem.

Fourth Thursday in November

While others give thanks, members gather to receive appreciation for their very existence. Traditional dinner includes demanding specific dishes that weren't prepared and complaining about the quality of free food.

Black Friday

The holiest shopping day when members assert their divine right to be served first, regardless of who was actually in line before them. Traditional activities include asking "Do you know who I am?" when denied requests for special treatment.

December 25th

A day of reflecting on all the ways you've been wronged throughout the year. Members compile "Grievance Lists" to read aloud at family gatherings, detailing how others have failed to meet their expectations. The traditional greeting is "You still owe me."

December 26th-31st

A sacred period for returning gifts without receipts, demanding full price refunds for sale items, and insisting on exchanges for items that were never purchased at the establishment.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

December 31st

A sacred night when followers craft elaborate lists of demands for the coming year, focusing not on self-improvement but on what others must do better for them. The traditional midnight toast: "To getting what I deserve!"

August 13th

This midsummer holiday celebrates the divine right to praise and recognition regardless of effort or achievement. Members gather to exchange "Certificates of Exceptional Existence" that commemorate merely being alive. The day features competitive humble-bragging and the sacred ritual of posting self-congratulatory content on social media while demanding likes and supportive comments. Traditional activities include wearing medals you've awarded yourself and interrupting others' stories to share your tangentially related but "more impressive" experiences. The day concludes with the "Circle of Demanded Affirmation" where members take turns receiving elaborate compliments while offering minimal acknowledgment in return.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

June 21st

A midsummer celebration marking the longest day of the year, when members honor their divine right to be exempt from rules that apply to everyone else. Followers observe this holiday by ignoring all posted signs, violating dress codes while demanding service, and parking in restricted areas without consequences. The traditional ceremony involves publicly reading aloud the "Proclamation of Personal Exception" where each member declares which societal norms they consider beneath them. The sacred meal features food items ordered "off-menu" at restaurants, with multiple substitutions and special requests.